Five Years of Fitness, Frustration, and Finding My Body

This was the teenage girl who loved parathas, who snacked compulsively every time she watched an Akshay Kumar comedy, and who adored wearing floral prints. But one morning, I woke up ready to change. I wasn’t ready to spend money on personal meals or a gym membership. My plan was simple: free YouTube workouts. I had no intention of consulting a nutritionist or building a strong foundation first. My goal was weight loss, not strength.

Home Workouts and Early Obsessions

I started exercising at home, determined to leave nothing in my way. I remember stretching my navy-blue workout mat at the foot of my bed while the women who kept our home clean worked nearby. I began with crunches, then progressed to 250 kick-ups, holding the edge of my bed and kicking my legs in the air.

Months into the routine, I noticed changes in my pelvic region, and I took pride in seeing my bones more prominently. I hated the softness of my body and preferred a lean, bony look. Ramadan did not interrupt my routine; I dedicated 30–40 minutes before Maghreb to exercise, even in the heat.

At night, I couldn’t tolerate inactivity. Sleepless hours became my time for bicycle crunches on my bed, obsessively working on the lower belly that had always made me insecure. Exercise became an escape, a way to control the body I both hated and wanted to improve.

The Gym Experience

Eventually, I joined a local gym with my mother and her friends. Initially, it was exciting—exploring equipment, cycling for 30 minutes straight. But soon, the cardio sessions became unbearable. The instructor would call me out by name, push me to the floor, and insist on high-intensity exercises I hated.

Here, I first understood “love handles”—my own included—and realized how much I struggled with public judgment. After losing 3 kg in three months, I left the gym, citing academic priorities, but continued exercising at home, where control and privacy mattered more than public approval.

Strength Training During COVID

When COVID-19 hit in March 2020, gyms closed. My brother bought weights, and I found myself drawn to them. I discovered Sydney Cummings, a certified trainer whose positivity and guidance transformed my workouts. Strength training became my focus, with dumbbells and resistance bands replacing endless crunches.

I loved feeling my body grow stronger—my arms, legs, and back building muscle, my lower back stabilizing, and cramps becoming manageable. Even during my period, I worked out consistently, learning proper techniques and pressure points for exercises like bicep curls and glute bridges.

Lessons from Strength Training

I also discovered 2030mama on Instagram, who shared how stronger skeletal muscles reduce period pain and improve long-term mobility. She introduced the concept of Sarcopenia, the age-related loss of muscle mass, explaining why strength training is crucial for women as we grow older.

Studies show that even 30–60 minutes of weekly strength training reduces risks of mortality, cardiovascular disease, and cancer by 20%. Strong muscles help maintain balance, prevent falls, and ensure a higher quality of life as we age.

Reflections on My Journey

Despite all these benefits, I remember hating the visible results of muscle growth on my arms and back. COVID eating habits and self-consciousness created a conflict between my goals and my perception of beauty. The journey taught me one crucial lesson: obsession with appearance can overshadow the real value of strength and health.

Fitness is not just aesthetic—it’s functional, protective, and empowering. My story is messy, imperfect, and intensely personal, but it highlights an important truth: we should engage with our bodies at our own pace, prioritizing health, autonomy, and self-respect over external pressures.

Today, I enjoy lighter workouts, knowing I may return to strength training someday—but always on my own terms. The goal is not perfection, but balance. Not validation, but self-care.

Sarosh Ibrahim

Researcher

Sept 01, 2022

Photo Courtesy: Sydney Cummings Houdyshell on YouTube